When does one really think about death? For me it's almost always when I witness death or when someone I know have died. There are two sides to my realization of death. In the first one, I realize how precious life is. That time runs out every second and every second is precious as it passes on and before you know it, you are 27 years old. That's when I think that I must live my life to the fullest. Fulfill my wishes and enjoy every moment of life. On the other hand, the second realization must be a reflection of my beliefs from my Buddhism roots.
Essentially when I see someone lifeless, everything goes out the window. My purpose in life, my wishes, everything that's important to me just becomes lame and lifeless like the corpse in front of me. Nothing matters at that moment. The feeling can be likened to a vacation where one forgets the everyday struggles and everyday life, and momentarily gets carried away by the merry and stress-less holiday. In that case, I become mindful of the insignificance of life that the event so big as death make me feel so. What's there to it in the end? A spent life! That's the only consolation for those lucky few who die at a ripe age, and unfortunate for those who die at a very young age. So it makes me mindful that whatever I am doing right now, or have been doing till this moment does not matter in the end. But it also brings me to ask myself this "Then what matters?". Well, that is when I really come to think of Buddha and his teachings. He realized that we human beings dwell in the Samsara of suffering, inflicted by the suffering of birth, sickness, old age and ultimately, death. As an enlightened being, with hardship and after accumulating lifetimes of karmic virtues, Lord Buddha came to realize the ways to escape the suffering of life.
When I stand near the funeral corpse, watching the fire slowly burn down the very proof of life that was. Helplessness is all I feel. Life seems not so worth it. The bag that I wanted to buy just a few days ago, I no longer want it. I am no longer bitter about the bad feelings I had against some individuals. I complain less. My mind is more open and accepting. I don't even care about my dreams and wishes. If I may realize them, well and good, otherwise I don't think I will mind if I am not able to fulfill them. That is how I feel at that moment and for a few weeks after. And then as always, I begin to live my life as if it is never going to end. All the wise thoughts I had had in the past stand as a distant memory only to be retrieved from my clouded mind, if at all, during the event of death around me. But what happens when the same happens to me. What will I think and how will I change? Then it will be too late.
That is why I must realize the importance of time and practice mindfulness. Practice compassion and meditate on things that matters. Pick up the steps and practice what Buddha realized and taught some 2000 years ago. What Buddha taught were simple. He taught a way of life which will help us escape rebirth in the 'Samsara of Suffering'. Every human being, is said to have a pure or the mind of the Bodhichitta, waiting to be used/embraced. We must work to clear the dark clouds clouding that pure mind caused by negative forces of ignorance, jealousy, anger and other negative actions. In my case it is a working progress. I might not prostrate continuously in front of god or pray regularly in his name, but I have started to consciously try and control my mind. In the sense I am improving in terms of thinking positive thoughts, feeling of compassion for people, controlling my anger, blocking the feeling of jealousy, etc. My only hope is that someday I might not act out the negative actions/have negative thoughts and think with my pure mind without the negative obscuration. It might take lifetimes to achieve that. So be it. Even if that takes me eons of rebirths, I pray that I gain enough virtues through proper practice and good deeds in those lifetimes to ultimately achieve it!
I am thankful to the wisdom imparted by many Buddhist masters and individuals alike, in the form of speeches, talks, books, etc. By virtue of their continuous and compassionate effort to relieve the suffering of human beings and all that dwell in Samsara, we are fortunate to have their blessing to be able to take the positive road to absolute freedom. May all sentient beings be blessed to be able to escape the karmic suffering of Samsara. Chab-sum-chhe!
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